A Matter of Faith
by CatsbytheGreat
Summary: Angels and Demons. Lieutenant Chartrand finds his faith shaken by the near-destruction of the Vatican.


**Disclaimer: I do not own anything. Dan Brown owns the characters. ****The last quote is also Dan Brown's, from p. 327 of the special illustrated version of Angels and Demons.**

**Author's Note: Just a short one-shot about something I had been wondering about, with regards to how Chartrand might have reacted. I hope you enjoy!**

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**Lieutenant Chartrand remembered the day he had a conversation with Carlo Ventresca about pain. After the events at the Vatican, he remembered them even more clearly than ever, and he saw them in a different light.

Carlo Ventresca was not the man Chartrand had thought him to be. Carlo had murdered the Pope (who was his father) and four cardinals, not to mention he almost destroyed the Church. And Chartrand couldn't help but remember, with much guilt, that two innocent men had been shot by himself, when he was under the mistaken impression that _Carlo_ was innocent.

This changed everything.

Chartrand had always been a man of faith—he had to be, in order to be a part of the Swiss Guards. But his faith was very honest, very pure. Some might have called it naïve. Chartrand did not listen to those who doubted the Church or God—_he_ believed, and that was enough.

Or it used to be. Everything had changed, and Chartrand was young and new to the Swiss Guards, and he could have never expected to have been involved in such a huge scandal involving the Church. He wanted to think that God had intervened, had saved some lives, but it seemed that it was all man's doing, both the near-destruction of the Church and its salvation.

He was not close to the new camerlengo. He was not close to any of the priests whom he might talk to except, perhaps, Cardinal Mortati. But Cardinal Mortati was now the Pope, and he did not have time to talk to a young Swiss Guard.

The matter weighed heavily on his mind, and it was making him slowly begin to wonder (did he dare to say doubt?) his faith.

Finally the feeling became too much for Chartrand. He was not scared of the things he had faced in his line of duty as a Swiss Guard that night the Vatican was almost destroyed, but he was scared that his faith was being shaken so badly as this. He went to the Pope's offices early one morning, hoping that His Holiness would be available, and requested permission to see the Pope.

To his great shock, permission was granted almost at once. The doors to the office were opened by two Swiss Guards, and Chartrand, feeling oddly detached from everything, walked in.

His Holiness was sitting in a chair, facing the door. He looked unsurprised to see Chartrand. The doors were closed, and a silence fell.

Chartrand felt unable to speak, and so the new Pope spoke for him. "Come closer, my son," he said. "I see you feel intimidated. I may be the Pope, but I am only a man, and a man who was the same you once knew. You may think of me simply as Cardinal Mortati, if you like."

"Oh-no-I, I can't," Chartrand barely managed. "Your Holiness, I'm sorry to have bothered you…"

"I understand you wanted to talk to me about…as one of the guards put it…a matter of faith?"

"Yes, that would be…what I would like to talk to you about. I thought perhaps you could…help me."

"Continue," Mortati said, inclining his head.

"Your Holiness, I fear that my faith has been shaken," Chartrand said, "and I fear that…that I might stop believing. It has much to do with the events that took place several weeks ago. It has much to do with…Carlo Ventresca."

"What about Carlo Ventresca?" Mortati asked, betraying no emotion at the mention of the former camerlengo's name.

"If a man like Carlo could do such horrible things to other people, to the Church, then what does that say about the rest of us? And how could God let such things happen? How could Carlo claim to have acted in God's will? Is it possible that God…?" Here Chartrand forced himself to stop. He had suddenly grown angry, though not at Mortati, but rather at…he didn't quite know whether at himself or at God, and perhaps it was a bit of both. His cheeks burned when he realised just how passionate his anger had become, and what he had been about to ask, in front of a man who was the Pope.

But Mortati was not angry with Chartrand. Rather, he looked as though he had expected these questions. He sighed, and folded his hands together. "Yes," he murmured. "These questions would give any man's faith a challenge." He looked up at the young Swiss Guard. "Carlo had lead a tough life. The best I can say is that he was confused…that he thought he was acting for God when he was really acting out his own desires for justice. Mind, I'm talking about justice in his own terms. He genuinely thought that what he was doing was right. I am not entirely sure that he was in a right state of mind, but one never knows. Only God knows."

Chartrand nodded. "But why…?"

"Would God let this happen?" Mortati finished. "Carlo was not acting in God's will. We cannot claim to know all that God has planned for us, but God does not use evil means to get to a good end as Carlo did. But God does allow us our free will, no matter what choices we make, even if our choices lead us into hell. This free will allows us to truly love anyone, including and most importantly God. Sometimes…many times, people make choices that are against God. But they are allowed. If they weren't, well, there would be no real love."

Again, Chartrand nodded. "I think I am beginning to see…I had not thought of it that way before. But still…"

Mortati leaned forward, looking directly into Chartrand's eyes. "You once mentioned a conversation you had with Carlo about pain?"

"Yes," Chartrand said. "He showed me that we learn from pain."

"Do you still believe that to be true?" Mortati asked. "You told me you did then."

"Yes," Chartrand said, after a moment. "I do still believe it." He was surprised that he did, and it showed.

"Carlo Ventresca was not pure evil, if evil at all," Mortati said. "We will, perhaps, never know. I do know, however, that he was right about quite a few things in terms of God and faith throughout his life. We must remember that he was a priest, after all. Did you not think him a good person to consult on matters of faith?"

"I did," Chartrand said, remembering how surprised he had been at having gotten a good answer from the young priest.

"He was," Mortati said. "Your faith is shaken, but this is as good a time as any to remember Carlo's lesson that he gave you about pain, and apply it here."

"How?" Chartrand asked, eyes widening.

"Know that though your faith is shaken, that does not mean that it shall disappear. This is simply a learning process, a difficult time that can strengthen your faith if you let it. Do you understand me?"

A few minutes later Chartrand found himself walking out of the office, feeling significantly better than when he had walked in. It was strange, really, how the way one looked at things affected one so much. Now the matter of his faith seemed brighter than it had. This was just a difficult time, but his faith could be strengthened. He had learned a lot from his conversation, and it had done him much good.

The remnants of another, long-past conversation echoed in his head, reminding him of a time when it seemed much easier to have faith. Chartrand wished that the Carlo Ventresca had not been responsible for what had passed in the Vatican, wished that Carlo had remained the same man with whom Chartrand had talked with about matters of faith. But it was not so, and Chartrand would have to take this and learn from it, and he could feel himself doing so, and it seemed already that the pain from a shaken faith was already turning into something more meaningful: strength.

"_Pain is part of growing up. It's how we learn."_


End file.
